Relationship Villains.

by Creative Food Therapy

Everything we may need comes to us at precisely the right moment.  One of many affirmations provided for me included the day I read about relationship villains.  I started to make the connections and my spirit made peace with wars raging inside of myself regarding some of the relationships I’ve had and continue to have.  When I say relationships, it includes any and all kinds.  In fact, it also helped me to understand my own role as a relationship villain that I have agreed to play, for the sake of others spiritual growth as well as my own.

The first time I ever read about the meaning of a relationship villain, was in ‘Raising Our Vibrations for the New Age” by author Sherri Cortland.  I remember feeling emotionally exhausted with the relationships around me at the time.  I felt misunderstood, betrayed and completely stumped as to what to do about it all.  It turns out, not only was I supposed to go through every single one of those emotions, but I myself, before this incarnation set it up so that I could go through all of this, to learn the lessons I came here to learn.  To break the walls of disappointment and fear not only from this life, but walls that had been built decades and even centuries before.  As for the souls that have hurt and disappointed me the most?  In truth, are my most kindred spirits.  As Sherri so eloquently put it,

“Relationship Villains are entities who are our closest universal friends when we are on the other side of the veil, but for this incarnation, they have volunteered to play the part of “the bad guy” to help us cross something important off of our spiritual “must learn” list for this incarnation. They might be people who simply annoy us, or even those we consider to be our so-called enemies. They create (or co-create) unpleasant situations that open windows of opportunity for us to learn and grow, or they may take action that forces us to stay on our chosen path. Either way, their purpose is to help us accomplish our learning/growth faster and in what may ultimately be a less dramatic or painful way. Relationship Villains can be anyone and you will find them everywhere. Look for them especially in romantic relationships, family relationships, and work relationships, but they will also turn up at school, at the grocery store, at the airport, the DMV, and anywhere you happen to be! They can be someone you have an on-going relationship with, or someone you interact just once or twice. When you learn the lesson, your relationship with your “relationship villain” will become much more palatable (this is usually the case when the “villain” is a family member) or your relationship will end because your mission together is over (as often happens with friends).”

I feel it important to express that even though we are here to learn specific lessons and created our blue prints prior to our incarnation, how we get to where we are going varies greatly because we have been given free will.  If you are presently in a relationship that is abusive mentally, physically or emotionally, then it is within your divine power to choose to love yourself enough to walk away regardless of what you feel the lesson this person and relationship is meant to teach you.   Everyone and every situation is a form of karmic relation, so ‘suffering’ to a degree is necessary for our spiritual evolution.  However, if the suffering gets in the way of our growth, if it leads to mental or physical discomfort or illness, then the suffering is in fact unnecessary and can be quite poisonous.  Before incarnating we create windows of opportunities, which may consist of those moments in time that will allow our decisions to change us forever.  This concept can be further explored in Sherri’s first book ‘Windows of Opportunity’.  In a abusive relationship, a person gives away their power, when you choose to take your power back you set the intention and action forth to the universe that you love and believe in yourself enough to finally break free, move forth, and possibly help countless others.

From as far back as I can remember I have always sensed that I do not belong here.  I have always felt that my conviction, efforts and loyalty have continuously gone unmatched.  As well, with my extreme sensitivity to the hurt and desperation that so many humans and animals endure daily, I would just keep telling myself there is no way I am meant to be here!  And if we feel we cannot trust those closest to us?  Then it helps to make all of those hurt and confused feelings become magnified.  The truth is we do belong here, we belong everywhere.  We are energy and we belong to the universe, wherever that may take us.  Learning about relationship villains allowed me to open up to forgiveness of everything I had been holding onto.  It allowed me to understand at a deep soul level why my relationships were the way they were and it also gave me the emotional freedom that I so desired, through forgiveness of others and most importantly myself.  I began to recognize all of my relationship villains and the moment I was able to do that, I began to look for the cycles with each and every particular soul.  What was the reoccurring issue or issues with these souls and why?  Once I discovered the cycles, I began to learn what it was I needed to know and then I chose for myself, consciously going forth whether my relationships with these souls were now going to positively affect my future, because if not, I had it within me to finally let go.

I know how it can feel, when you are working tirelessly at becoming who you are, or a better you and having those closest to you challenge you to the point of exhaustion.  I want to share with you something I wrote at a time of complete frustration, only because I feel it will help you to understand that we are all going through this together and that you are not alone.

“I finally get it.  It was never really about me.  What you said when I refused to listen to your negativity?

“It’s not even worth it, I give up, it’s too late and you are out of your mind.”

I am out of my mind?  For always giving 110%?  I am out of my mind for becoming the best person I know how to be?  I am out of my mind for refusing to believe I should be defined by my weight?  I am out of my mind for believing anything is possible?  I am out of my mind because I will never give up?  I am out of my mind because I refuse to believe marriage is the answer to everything?  I am out of my mind for refusing to believe money is the root of all evil and that it should dictate my future?  I am out of my mind because I have never cared what people have to say about me?  I am out of my mind for always trying to be the best friend anyone could ever wish to have?   I am out of my mind for who I have chosen to be?  I am out of my mind for working my ass off to hold a position at work where I am admired and respected?  I am out of my mind for wanting to continue my education and acquire an MA to become a therapist, so that I may help as many people as possible?  You’re right, I am out of my mind, for ever thinking any of this was ever about me.  Thank you, for always managing to drench a towel in your own insecurities only to whip me with it, because it’s made me into the light I am today.”


You would never know it but I was driven to write this about a person I love more then myself and always will.  I would give my last breath for them.  I will continue to love them regardless because they mean the world to me and I’ve realized that from a young age they had been conditioned to believe through life and it’s experiences that something in them wasn’t good enough.  They love me the only way they know how and I have decided for this particular soul, that it is good enough.  I love them enough to try and continue to allow them to see how beautiful they really are and always have been, even if it takes a lifetime.  You will always know the relationships you are meant to keep.  Once you become aware of your relationship villains and the challenges presented, regardless of how broken the relationships appear to be, remember that it is just another step along your journey, bringing you closer to where it is you are truly meant to be.

I have included some wonderfully informative links on ‘Relationship Villains’ below.  Enjoy!

♥ All of my love and light ♥


~ Jennifer