A Story of Light

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Tag: Strength

Country Away From Home.

We all have those places where we go to reconnect, recoup or recharge.  If we are fortunate these places become apart of who we are.  My first trip to Pennsylvania was at the age of 5.  Almost every year since then it has become tradition to make the three and a half hour drive.  Some years it was only my immediate family and I and other times there would be ten plus of us!  It was always a wonderful time filled with close friends and family and more fun and laughter then one could imagine!

A little over nine years ago the parents of one of my oldest and dearest friends, Kristin, bought a house close to Lancaster, Pennsylvania.  Lancaster is where my family and I would visit.  This was great because being older at the time, me and the girls would plan trips to go and stay at the house.  It was always such a great time!  I found that as I grew older the experience of taking our trips out there became something else, something more.  Yes I had grown quite close to Kristin’s family, I consider them my second family!  But even more so, it became a spiritual haven for me.  Right there on the porch of that country house built so very long ago, I finished reading the book “How to avoid a stupid man: A woman’s guide to attracting her soulmate” by L.E. Coleman.  When I read the title I giggled and said “Oh Man!  I need to read this!”  And then I thought, how is it that a man is writing about how a woman can find her soulmate, what does he know about it???  lol  The book turned out to be so much more then I thought it would be.  There was no bashing of the sexes, in truth it had a very strong spiritual foundation.  Even if I didn’t agree with everything he wrote, a lot of what he did write resonated with me.  Most of the information found in that book I had already known and had been practicing myself.  The combination of being in one of my sacred places and reading this book that reaffirmed me spiritually, got the ball rolling in a sense.  I started to read quite often after that, anything I could get my hands on that would further my knowledge.

My recent visit inspired me to document a bit of the incredible view, in hopes of being able to share the energy, uniqueness and beauty of this place I go to when I need to reconnect or even just feel grateful for and in everything 🙂

I hope you enjoy these photos as much as I enjoyed taking them!

Immediately upon entering the house there is an incredible warm and loving energy.  Mostly that is due to Kristin and her  parents!  But also, Kristin’s mom is extremely creative and crafty.  Every inch of the house is carefully planned and perfectly placed.  Everything from the handmade curtains, hand redesigned furniture to the door knobs!  It’s total rest and relaxation amongst pure creative talent and country!

Every corner of the house is filled with something that is meaningful to the family, whether it be a day old or a hundreds years old, every piece carries meaning.


Kristin’s mom has a knack for finding these great antique plates!

So cute!

Originally Kristin’s family was going to call their country house “The Ladybug Farm”  because when they first moved in, there were Ladybugs everywhere!  You can still find a few here and there from time to time.  I love it, I feel as though they bring with them a message (:

Usually we will make it up on a late Friday evening.  By that time, after a long days work and that three and a half hour drive, we gather in one of the sitting rooms to unwind.  No doubt this house is all about gathering, the gathering of hearts and minds with love in common.  This past Friday we got in around 11pm so after catching up a bit with Kristin’s parents, we all turned in!

The next morning was perfect!  The sun was bright and warm and to top it off the local antique market’s theme for the week was “Native American”  Now, I had desperately wanted to go last year but couldn’t make it up in time.  So when I learned from Kristin’s mom that Native American was the theme while I was there I knew I had to go.  We had breakfast and then Kristin’s mom and I were off to the market.  Only a short 10 minute ride up the block and a couple of farms over, this market is situated beneath beautifully grant trees!

This is the sign turning in, I was SO excited!

Slower is always better… Especially when driving on dirt roads! hehe

The market has endless rows of anything and everything you can ever imagine!

This painting fascinated me.  I am mad at myself for not asking about it!  Something about it kept drawing me in.

This tiny house amongst all of the selling tables is privately owned.  This is by far one of my favorite shops ever!  The woman who owns it is a creative genius.  A couple of years back, this is where I found one of my favorite necklaces.  It means a lot to me and finding it was very synchronistic at the time.  I had been seeing the numbers 11 and 79 everywhere.  The first time I ever visited the shop, I found my necklace with both numbers as well as charms that mean a great deal to me.  After coming home from that stay in Pennsylvania, I logged onto my email at home and my email count was at 1179 🙂

My necklace 🙂

A person could spend days in this shop and still not discover all the hidden antique treasures that await!

I love how the owner has put thought in placing every single object!

Interesting!  I wonder if it is real?!?!

I am obsessed with detail and so that leads to fascinations with rare, antique and crystal knobs of any kind!!!

These stars are quite big in Pennsylvania.  I see them everywhere, on houses, businesses and even barns.

These were some of the sights on our way out.

Love antique mirrors and dollhouses!

I love how creative people can get with old doors and windows!

This is a knife I brought form the antique market for my father Joseph.  He loves the Native American culture just as much as I do.  Kristin’s mom and I made our way back to the house and caught some sun and pool time!  Once dinner time came around, we ate some amazing produce grown on the local farms.  If you need any kind of vegetable or fruit you can just jump in your car and ride over to the local farms that are selling.  Often, it functions on an honor system.  So you ride up, take what you need and leave the money there in a box!

The color of these tomatoes were amazing!

The corn was so sweet and fresh!

After dinner we all grabbed our favorite relaxing spots.  What’s a perfect vacation without some reading for the soul?

The next morning I decided that for the first time in months I would do nothing but relax, sun and swim!  Being that this past weekend is the ONLY weekend I had open until I start school, work full time and start my internship?  I deserved it!  “County Living” indeed… This is the gate leading to the pool area.

Sassy decided she would sun with me!  Well, Kinda… she found the nearest shade, but was still hanging out!

This little guy comes with an interesting story.  I was swimming when I noticed this wasp floating in the pool dead (or so I thought!)  I scooped him out and onto the siding.  Some time passed and I noticed his leg moving!  Then twenty minutes later all his legs moving, but very slowly.  I was upset to think he might be in pain but then thought, is it possible he is alive and can recover?  I mean, he had been laying lifeless for quite a while.  After thirty minutes he was on his belly drying off and flew away!  Miracle!  Or maybe it was the T’ai Chi I had been practicing!  hehe

Barn that will eventually be made into a walk-up bar barn!  Can’t wait! hehe

Kristin’s parents have done a wonderful job with planting!  I had to get some shots of the various plant life everywhere.

I am loving these flowers and they are everywhere and in many colors!

I am obsessed with color!

I loved this plant and it’s coloring the moment I saw it!

Yellow is one of my favorite colors!

I decided I would explore the property a bit.  This is part of the garage door.  Their garage was formally the farms horse stables and troths.

Kristin’s dad’s motorcycle!

Beer anyone? hehe

Welcome!  Red white and blue baby!

I found it poetic, how even as she sits in a dark corner amongst clutter, she still seems to shine.

I LOVE this tree!

Cute garden fixture idea!

This old chimney was painted this incredibly loud pinkish color.  I have begged them to keep it but, they refuse!  Its time is limited!

I am loving the newest outdoor seating edition to the home!

Welcome to the mud room, Leave your shoes and wet bathing suits at the door.  Well, not really but it is a cute idea!

Some more of the mud room!

This is a chest in one of the upstairs rooms, in fact, the one I always sleep in!

How amazing is Kristin’s Mom?!?!  Ever since we first started coming to stay, she leaves guest baskets with everything and anything you could ever need along with freshly washed towels!  too cute.

One of the other upstairs bedrooms!  After taking this shot I packed up and we left not too long after.  I get such a sad feeling whenever I leave.  Not because I am not happy with where I am , but because this place will always hold a spot for me.  It is a place of love, peace and safety for me.


Our journey from country back to home.  I got everything I needed.  Some relaxing time, some time with family/friends and some recharging.  Yet, no matter how far I travel and no matter where I go, New York always welcomes me back with open arms.  It is good to be home.  🙂

♥ All of my love and light ♥

~ Jennifer

You Have Come For Knowledge, There Will Be Pleasure.

“You have come for knowledge. 

There will be pleasure. Because knowledge is sexy.

There will also be pain. Because knowledge is torture.”

 ~Jeff Noon


With knowledge comes awareness, or at least this has been my experience.  In learning about any one particular subject we expand our awareness and broaden our knowledge with our perception in the process.  However, I find that along with the accumulation of knowledge comes the weight of responsibility to act upon what we learn and that is what I feel Jeff Noon was writing about with his quote that knowledge is both pleasure and pain.  I find the desire to share what I have learned, especially in the last year or so, is bigger then ever.  It is not so much that I feel I have found the answers to everyone’s question, it is that I feel I have found the answers to mine and in doing so maybe I can help others do the same.  Maybe I can help to spark some idea or thought leading others to find the answers they seek as well.

I can recount an evening where my sister Tina and I were discussing a case study.  My sister is a school psychologist and thought it would be beneficial if we had discussed some of her experiences and the experiences of her colleagues, being that I had plans to attend graduate school for Art Therapy.  She could see how happy and excited I was at the prospect of this new venture into the next chapter of my life.  My sister knew my intentions were set in the right places but wanted to make sure I understood the severity of the work involved in the field of therapy.  She began to tell me about one particular case study where a therapist had been counseling a child about the age of 6.  They were discussing the child’s home life while the child drew freely on a piece of paper.  Seemingly out of nowhere the child began to imply that she was being molested.

In discussing this case study my body tensed up, my heart dropped and I could almost feel what that therapist must have felt upon hearing such news.  Putting myself in that therapists shoes, coming to the realization that I too will come into these situations and when presented with the reality of the situation I felt in that moment that even though I knew this work could prove rewarding, it would be at the expense of everything I had come to understand or know life to be.  Comfort as a norm would be chucked out the window, never to be heard from again!  All I could think of was how I could one day put all of my intense schooling to work, yet in hearing the details of this case study it was all starting to feel bittersweet.

Having the skill and knowledge to help this small child is paramount for me, or for any therapist, yet at the same time torturous and for many reasons.  The reason most present would be the fact that this child would have to return home for the night before anything could be done.  Secondly, that if the child’s claims were true, there is no doubt that it would be a long and traumatic life changing experience for this child.  For me, this is a prime example of how knowledge can be both pleasure and pain simultaneously, with the prospect of helping the child but knowing that in order for the child to have some semblance of a normal life, she would have to go through therapy or multiple forms of therapy.

Despite the painful awareness knowledge may bring, even in facing the shadows and the darkest places within this field, I now have an even bigger desire and will to help as much as I can.  I attended an art college but I had also touched upon the basics in psychology, philosophy, sociology and anthropology.  Still, I admit I was a bit naïve as to the complexity of the field in which I had entered.  However, that is no longer the case because I chose to expand my awareness through knowledge.  I have never been more interested in the dynamics of art and therapy; I find it fascinating as a form of modality to facilitate change through healing.  Even with my wonderment of the field, I know that in helping others I will find both pleasure and pain, of dark and light, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.   Knowledge forces us to step out of our minds and our comfort zones to help find the strand of overall truth.  This means setting aside our beliefs and emptying our cup, letting go of what we think we know in order to make room for what is.  Unless we develop skill, talent and the moral courage to use it, truth, knowledge and the power to change will remain unseen.  In closing I believe Galileo Galilei said it best…

 “All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.”

    ~ Galileo Galilei


♥ Love and Light to you all ♥

~ Jennifer

Some informitive and enjoyable links!




**Image Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Knowledge_venn_diagram.png**

Borderline Personality Disorder in comorbidity with the effects of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

It is so easy for us to judge one another.  If I were to say the words selfish, self—centered and unappreciative, I bet every single one of you could put those words to a face or more then one face of a person that you know or are close to.  It can be draining to be involved in a relationship that is one sided or to be close with someone who seems to only care about themselves and their own needs.  Eventually relationships involving such personalities will strain and ultimately break apart caused by imbalance.  However, what if I said that some of these people who can be considered Narcissistic, self-centered or selfish actually may have a disorder or two?  And suggest that these individuals in fact need more help then we can imagine, not only to be fixed by love, friendship or talk it through but help from a physician.  I believe it is way too common for many to just accept things the way they are instead of asking questions.  I have learned that sometimes it is asking the right questions that make all the difference.  Think of someone that you know who fits a Narcissistic Personality.  It could be a friend, a close relative, a co-worker or even a celebrity.  Now ask yourself, do you know enough about this person to understand why they are the way they are?  Because, they weren’t born that way!  What happened to them?  What happened to them that was so horrible that it forced them to create this facade, this mask and for them to be so disappointed with their external circumstances that they were forced to create a world within our world, where they were the center, where no one else mattered?  It couldn’t have been good, and so this is where I offer you up the chance to dig a little deeper.

I believe that through conditioning, so many of us are taught to judge one another from the moment we meet.  I would go as far as to say at this point in our evolution it’s unconscious, instinctual and automatic.  Those of us who have done the work from the inside out have come to understand that in judging another, we are only judging ourselves.  Passing judgment is an injustice for both parties involved, the person judging and the person being judged.

This summer I took a course at NYU titled “Theories of Personality”.  It was incredible and I learned a great deal.  I was asked to write a paper on these two disorders and I found it so informative that I would love to share it with you all.  With the information on personality theories learned in class and throughout my research I would like to bring to light some key aspects of what I believe is a common and often undiagnosed paired disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder in comorbidity with the effects of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  I will be affirming exhibited behaviors and characteristics from Borderline Personality Disorder in comorbidity with the effects of Narcissistic Personality Disorder in hopes that those of you who read this post will be able to spot these personality disorders for yourself.  Who knows, maybe it will help you at a deeper level of understanding into the events in your own lives.

Based on analysis, subjects with both disorders typically display the following traits.  Exactly like the Narcissist, the Borderline individual elicits constant narcissistic supply.  The borderline craves, needs and seeks attention, affirmation and approval.  The individual will need all of these in order to regulate their rotating sense of self-worth and their chaotic self-image.  Patients with both Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder have trouble forming and or maintaining healthy relationships and both avoid true intimacy.  Subjects exhibit characteristics of denial and distortion of reality.  Throughout my post I will outline more common characteristics of both disorders and how they relate to and are displayed by an individual affected.

Both disorders point to the fact that the lives of the individual is chaotic and that the relationships they form are unhealthy, short lived and unstable.   These disorders cause identity disturbance and displays a widely fluxuating sense of self worth and self-image.  Individuals report that they are plagued with the belief that they do not know who they are.  Expressed emotions are erratic and no one knows which “face” of the individual will be present at any given moment.

Those affected by these disorders are impulsive and reckless.  Their sexual conduct is promiscuous, constant and unsafe.  They exhibit self destructive and self-defeating behaviors such as binge eating, gambling, and carelessness with their money and in addition, anything ranging from drugs, alcohol to prescription pills.  These individuals will threaten suicide or will imply that the world would be better off without.

I believe these disorders can stem from anxiety issues with abandonment, neglect, verbal abuse and or physical abuse.  These individuals usually are co-dependent and will attempt to prevent abandonment, both real and imagined.  They can make frantic efforts to avoid real or imagery abandonment including unstable social relationships characterized by alternating extremes of over idealization and devaluation.

Individuals with these disorders relate through defense mechanisms and are motivated by deep inner shame.  As well, they can appear to be self-centered and self-absorbed.  Individuals claim they are the only person giving in all of their relationships.  Due to their skewed perception, they are unable to see the good that has been done for them by everyone around them.  They are capable of showing remorse if they realize they have caused pain, but quickly turn it around and find ways to place the blame upon someone other then themselves.  They typically are unable or unwilling to empathize or place themselves in another’s situation, which makes it easy for them to stay within a state of illusion and self-pity.

Common characteristics in both Borderline Personality Disorder and NPD, Causes individuals friends and family to feel as though they are walking on eggshells.  The feelings and emotions of anyone other than the individual are generally ignored or avoided to prevent confrontations or fights.  Typically, the feelings of those around them will be put down or minimized.  It is their way of implying that it is everyone else who needs the help and not them.

These individuals will blame others for any experience gone wrong in their lives and will commonly move from one group of friends to another to avoid any serious examination or self analysis.  They live through denial, they do not recognize that they have these issues; they do not know how to change and continue to blame every person in their life for all of their neurosis.  Individuals affected will commonly paint others in their lives as scapegoats for anything that may go wrong or not as they imagined.

These individuals distort reality in their version of it and at times live within a fantasy world.  They paint everyone to be the same as those who abused, neglected and left them prior.   They tend to be very suspicious and paranoid about things that they only just imagine you are about to do to them.  They become very defensive over perceived slights.   They will work themselves up to the point of hysteria and physical illness of non-truths or situations they have created in their head that will never take place.  Although these scenarios seem observed and ridiculous from the outside, these individuals truly believe they will occur.

These individuals will monopolize their friend’s time and if a friend becomes too busy, or if the individual affected by the disorders feels slighted in anyway, they will go out of their way to make others believe they are the inadequate ones.  They will constantly value and devalue their relationships based on their personal needs at the time and what it is they are trying to accomplish.  They will value and reject if they perceive someone is about to end the relationship.

Another trait that these individuals display that are commonly found in both Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder is the constant need to change and break relationships rules according to what they decide is necessary and fair.  They will place expectations and demands on all of their personal relationships, without informing others of these rules.  They are unspoken rules and commonly those closest to them do not know about the rules until they have broken them.  Those who are in relationships with those affected by the disorder must always be one step ahead so that the individual affected by the disorder is unable to find something that offends them. The problem is it is unknown as to what will or will not offend them because they may see something as acceptable one minute and unacceptable a moment later.  They will become bored very often; they constantly want others to entertain them, to find them amusement and to make plans for their enjoyment.  If their friends and family do not comply they berate them and consider them to be selfish.

With borderlines and in some cases with Narcissists, individuals usually have the attitude of “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”  This can be present with the Borderline but more present with the Narcissist who want to appear to be strong even though deep down inside they are feeling extremely inadequate.  They will express that everyone in their lives leaves and that it must be their fault, but in the next breath they will go into plethora of reasons why the people who have left are selfish, incompetent and inadequate.

Borderlines and Narcissists become envious.  These individuals tend to feel hopeless and despondent of ever becoming or being anything like a person they envy, which is more so a characteristic of a borderline.

It can be hard to diagnose both Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder disorders because borderline emotions tend to go up and down and are erratic which makes it difficult to tell what may be causing their traits.  With a Narcissist is it very difficult as well to diagnose them because a Narcissist feels they don’t have any problems and that the problems lie with everybody else.  These are two very common traits that these individuals exhibit.  In summery, I would analyze that these individuals have Borderline Personality Disorder with effects of Narcissistic Personality Disorder because these individuals have a sense of entitlement and an unreasonable expectation of a special favorable treatment.  They can be interpersonally explosive and take advantage of others to achieve their own gain.  They lack empathy and are often envious of others or believe that others are envious of them.  One moment they are depressive and in another moment can show signs of arrogance.  They make frantic efforts to avoid real or imagery abandonment.  They are impulsive in the areas of money, sexual activity, substance abuse, binge eating and gambling.  They exhibit instability resulting in depression, irritability, and anxiety lasting a few hours or a few days.  They complain of a chronic feeling of emptiness and boredom, as well chronic physical pain depending on the individual.

A common mistake of those with these disorders and any other disorders for that matter is that these individuals will go into therapy and leave therapy prematurely before any progress can be made.  Generally individuals begin to believe that therapy has had the reverse effect when in reality therapy must feel that way sometimes in order for it to be effective.  It is important to work through it, regardless of how awful it feels, what darkness it dredges up or how long it takes because your health is worth it in the end.   With any healing process or challenge in life, it becomes the darkest before we can ever see the light.  Therapy is no exception.  In conclusion, based on my research and understanding, it appears to me that individuals exhibiting these common characteristics can be diagnosed with both Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder and are candidates for Psychotherapy, preferably in addition to family or group therapy.

I believe by nature that we all exhibit some Narcissistic tendencies, but the problems arise when these tendencies grow and begin to stunt our spiritual, mental and physical growth.  For those of you out there reading this and coming to the realization that you may know someone exhibiting these behaviors, know it is not your responsibility to heal or fix these individuals.  It would be in your best interest to direct them to a physician that could possibly diagnose and help them.  My intention for this post is to help bring light to some of the disorders that cloud our society and even those we love, and the only way to do that is through educating ourselves.  Awareness through knowledge is no doubt the tool needed to help facilitate change and make our communities both as mentally and physically healthy as possible.

If you have any questions feel free to message me!

♥  All of my love and light  ♥

~ Jennifer

I have included some informative links on the subjects touched upon in this post, enjoy!








I Am The Record Keeper pt.2: A Deeper Exploration Into Natal Charts.

This post is a continuation of my precious post titled “I Am The Record Keeper: The Akashic Records”.  However, within this continuation I am going to dive a bit deeper into the realm of Astrology and the part it plays within us as extensions of the universe.  Your Natal Chart is like a blue print, a schematic of your life.  It includes everything that your soul wanted to accomplish, that it came here to finish, it writes everything for you.  Or rather, you wrote it before incarnating and your Natal Chart both a spiritual and physical manifestation of this through your birth.  What is most beautiful about our charts, about the perception that everything has it’s course, is that it allows you to understand everything you have gone through.  It helps you to understand that everything you will need to go through has meaning, even more so then you can comprehend at this very moment.

 If you were to examine a natal chart you would notice the numbers on the outside of the inner circle running from 1 to 12.  The numbers have been assigned to each part of the sectioned circle.  You will also notice the numbers are running counter clockwise.  The reason these numbers run counter clockwise is because when the soul comes into the human body, it doesn’t know whom it is yet.  And so it seems to be running counter to spirit, which would be clockwise energy.  Look at this as a house that has 12 rooms in it, the house of your soul for this lifetime.  Each one of these 12 rooms has specific energies to them and each one of these energies carries a very specific purpose.  The houses without anything in them do not mean there is no power there, it just means you have diverted it somewhere else.  I will go deeper into this as I review my own chart.  If you were to put your hand over the lower part of your chart and look at the energies that are above it is important to understand that the energies up above the horizon are very public places, places where we have to interact with others and how we interact with others.  If you put your hand over the upper part of your chart, above the horizon, and view your lower half of your chart, that is your very private early life, it’s your one to one relationships.  I don’t have as much activity in my lower half of my chart, below the horizon because this is where all of my introspection took place, within the first part of my life.  Now, when I place my hand over the lower half of my chart and focus on the portion of my upper chart I have a lot of activity in two places, just above the horizon on the 12th house and the 7th.  This means that when I come into the place of adulthood in particular, I will get a lot more noticed then I did as a child and step into my key destiny points.

The relation and insight available concerning the energies that govern our souls journey with relation to our past, present and future depends on the exact time, date and location of our birth.  Our astrological birth sign, where we have placed our sun is like the yellow brick road.  It is where we most want to shine our light, it is where we want to be the very best we can be, and it is where we want our power to be.  I was born on February 1st, 1980 in the early morning.  Therefore, my sun is placed within my 12th house, Sun in Aquarius in the early degrees.  The 12th house is an interesting house for me to have placed my sun, because the 12th house is the end of the journey, the house of the secrets of the soul, the house where I am the only person that can find those secrets for myself.  Learning of this made so much sense and I knew from an early age that I was the one to have to figure it all out, by myself in order to get where I was going.  In learning the position of my sun, I was forced to question why I chose to shine my light where I did.  Placing my sun in the 12th house makes me an extremely private person regardless of how my life is in public; I don’t like to share the deepest parts of my soul with many others.


Your Birth Sign

“Your birth-sign is the sign in which the Sun was placed on your birthday. Astrologers call it your Sun Sign. This marks your deep character, the stamp of your most fundamental energies and potential for spiritual growth. However, there are other very important signs, including your Ascendant or rising sign, Moon sign, Ruling Planet, and the signs of the other planets and sensitive points in the chart, such as the Part of Fortune and the Moon’s nodes.  To find your birth-sign, familiarize yourself with the symbols, or glyphs of the planets and signs. Next, find the symbol, or glyph, on the chart, which represents the Sun. It is a circle with a dot in its center. The number in bold type alongside the Sun glyph is the degree of the sign in which it is located. The glyph next to the bold number is the birth sign, the sign of the Sun, and the light of the individuality. The number in plain type next to the sign glyph is the minute of the degree of the Sun sign.”

Our sun tells us where we want to shine our light; it represents our identity, physical characteristics, appearance, health and well-being, the physical body, vitality, attitude, temperament and the way we look upon the world. It also represents our self-image, outer personality and disposition.  The placement of my sun tells me that my sun was to be hidden for quite some time until I gathered every bit of information I needed and then I would suddenly burst back out into the light again. When I chose to place my sun in Aquarius (my birth sign) I placed myself within the sign of humanity, the house of “My hopes, dreams and wished fulfilled” within humanity.  Yet, sometimes no matter how much we care about humanity it can be kind of a lonely place.  Which, already tells me a great deal about myself and that there will be a couple of times a year where I will need to shut down, unplug and shut off in order to recharge.  I am very spiritual, soul oriented in this lifetime.  I chose introspection and what happens is my battery needs recharging.  In these times I carry an energy of “I just have to be” and most people do not understand these withdrawals, they take them personally but it is the way I programmed myself to live in order to receive and gather information, to be able to get my messages, to recoup, to know who I am in order to put forth my greatest love and intentions.

Your 1st House

The Ascendant = Your Rising Sign

Aries is the sign that governs the 1st house in the natural zodiac.

“The sign of the Moon and the sign on the Ascendant are next in importance, for the Moon stands for the emotional personality and habitual modes of behavior and the Ascendant stands for the self-image, including your bodily appearance.  Understanding the meaning of the Moon sign and Ascendant are essential in gaining a more rounded perspective on your character. Check out Sun, Moon, Ascendant to really learn the difference.  The positions of the planets in the signs and houses and their relationships (aspects) determine your character; knowledge of the symbolism is the key.”

 Ascended, or my rising sign is very important as well as well.  My rising sign is in Pisces.  Pisces is a beautiful sign, except that is it almost like a pilgrim soul; it has a tendency to feel as though it never belongs in any particular place.  It also is very easily wounded, because it is a very creative, spiritual gifted sign, somewhat spacey, haha!  It was the sign that was coming up over the horizon the moment that they cut the cord between my mother and me and I drew my first breath.  That is when my soul journey began, at that very moment in this lifetime and that is why it is called the rising sign.  It is how we see the world how the world sees us, it is our window onto the world.  And I may look like Aquarius; I may look like Pisces because I can look like either one of them or a combination of both.  I have Venus in Pieces, which is the highest elevation of love that can be served in this lifetime.  It also has the requirement that we learn to love with unconditional compassion.  Being that Venus is in my first house, it means I probably had not had that.  In other words, I had to learn to love myself unconditionally, and learn to go through many times of being mistreated or misunderstood.  I had to come to that place where I found that my greatest resource was my own heart, my own soul, that is the moment I gained compassion for myself and that is the moment it began to overflow to everyone else.

I come into the energy of Aries in my first house as well so it is very much apart of my energy.  Aries is totally different then Pisces and Aquarius.  It is fire, that primal fire, that energy that says YES! I can do it!  It flashes quickly and it burns out quickly but gives me that place where when I have been pushed beyond endurance I will say, no more, No!  Anyone close to me knows this about me.  I give, probably to the degree that some might see as too much but if I feel taken advantage of or wronged in any sense I have absolutely no problem shutting it down and walking away.  I attribute this to the knowledge and power of coming into self-love and appreciation.  Know your limits, and know when something or someone has crossed the line, becoming hazardous or toxic to you and your growth.  With my Aries power I hold the great Goddess Sirius, she is considered a minor planet now and she also is equivalent to the Mother Mary in the Christian religion, the great mother.  She loves and cares for those that are helpless, children and women in particular.  So this energy tells me that in some way or another I feel I am the guardian, a caretaker of other women and children.  This has been evident in my beliefs and actions.  Since I can remember I have had a strong reaction to any form of abuse, especially those of women and children.  Within my therapy I will have specific study with regards to this population.  Mostly likely this is because of my own experience, especially those I am aware of in traumatic past lives.

Your 2nd House

Taurus is the sign that governs the 2nd house in the natural zodiac.


“The second house in your birth chart governs money, possessions, material assets, self worth, attitude towards security, bank and savings accounts, spending and how money is acquired. Emotional and financial security, personal values and principles are all 2nd house issues.”

The 2nd house of the zodiac represents the house of value.  It has two levels, like all 12 houses of the zodiac.  The spiritual level of it is that my spirit is the most important value to myself, what I know, what I feel and what I care for.  However, it is also a money house.  I actually do not have any planets in that house, what I have is Vesta and I have Kyron, the wounded healer in the sign of Taurus.  On an earthly level the 2nd house is about, what I have, what makes me feel good that I have that I can give to others and share with others.  Vesta is the guardian of the hearth but she also has a deeper history then that.  She was a goddess of fertility with one group of people, where she could love who she wanted, do what she wanted to do, she could be who she wanted to be, she was owned by no man.  Then, she was taken over by another group and became the goddess of the hearth.  Which means she is the guardian of the home, she has that beautiful energy of mothering, she has both sides.  Me having her in my 2nd house tells me I will probably experience both sides, the curtailment of my fertility for a long time, being stuck in a sense, and then both of them coming together.  I also have Kryron the wounded healer, which was a huge aspect of Venus crossing the sun recently, saying yes I have been wounded but I will use those wounds to help others.  In this sign Taurus, the earth sign, I will help the earth I live on, I will help.  It comes back to, when I come to understand myself and when I come into love and compassion for myself, I will then use the gifts I brought into this lifetime and I will communicate.  I have several different ways I could do that, I have healing energy from the wounded healer, I have compassion from Pisces, I have the ability to communicate, I can write, I can speak, I can be an advocate and these are only just a few things coming in now saying ok I am finally coming into the gifts I have brought into this lifetime.  This goes back to Mercury, when we went into the 4th house, what was the gift I brought into this life? Communication.  It will be interesting with me because I am a bit of a recluse, haha!  So, how do I speak to others? Aquarius rules computers, it rules verbal communication, and it rules many other things as far as communication traveling very, very fast.  Pisces is spiritual, it is the spirit, the vapor that clouds it is the things that have no limits and my Venus, Mercury and communication are all joining together now so that I may find my voice.  Whether it is I helping one person at a time or all of humanity, it will touch humanity if it is a person that has a connection to billions of people and I change that person’s life and so I have the ability to help many others.  Whether I am aware of it or not doesn’t matter, I will still do it.

The 3rd House

Gemini is the sign that governs the 3rd house in the natural zodiac.

“The third house of your horoscope governs all forms of communication and transportation. The style and manner of communications, neighbors, siblings and other relatives such as aunts, uncles, and cousins are representative of the third house. Additionally, letters, contracts, telephone calls, computers, early childhood education, documentation, papers, books, writing utensils, cars, the subway and all forms of short distance travel are found in the third house. Your mental attitude, learning style, opinions, the analytical mind, self-expression and speech are also 3rd house issues.”

At first glance, there seems to be nothing in my 3rd house and so some may be quick to say “oh my gosh I having nothing in my house of communication!”  But Venus rules it because she is the ruler of Taurus!   It all comes full circle to when I come to understand myself and when I come into compassion and unconditional love for myself, I will then use the gifts I brought into this lifetime and I will communicate.

For the past 10 years I have been working within the creative field as a Digital Imaging Specialist.  I started in NYC in a high-end fashion photography agency.  I went from an intern to an employee in less then 3 months.  I was excited, talented and more then willing to bend backwards for anything and everything needed.  Soon, I realized that, any relationship that is unbalanced, where one person gives more then the other can be toxic, whether it is love or work.  I left the agency but not before becoming physically sick from the stress.  I made a smooth transition into the multimedia company I am with now, and I have been here for over 6 years.  I was content and there wasn’t a day I woke that I didn’t enjoy my work, until a year or so ago.  I realized that working hard and saving money was never going to allow me to help others the way I wanted to.  I ached to break free from the mundane process and the same pattern of thinking in order to help others I had to make money.  So what had changed?  Well everything but not necessarily the work.  I changed.  It finally hit me like a ton of bricks, I knew going back to school for Art Therapy was the way.  Sure, I will have some serious debt afterwards but I will be doing what I have wanted to do all along, helping others through expression.

Your 4th House

The IC

Cancer is the sign that governs the 4th house in the natural zodiac.

“The fourth house of your horoscope governs areas related to home, family and property. Your roots, family background, childhood, inner emotions, immovable possessions, domestic life, the end of life and endings in general are covered by this house. Psychological foundations and conditioning are also found in the 4th house. The 4th house cusp is formed in your chart by the IC, the Imum Coeli. This is the lowest point of the chart, the nadir, found at 6 o’clock on the zodiac wheel. This is why it is described as being our roots, our foundation of life. This point is directly opposite the Midheaven (MC) or the tenth house.”

I placed the sign of Gemini within my 4th house, the house in which my soul entered my body.  Gemini presents the gifts my soul brought in with it from another lifetime or many lifetime experiences.  Understand the soul looks at this as one lifetime with different stages and different costumes.  With my 4th house ruled by the sign of Gemini, I was given the gift to communicate, but also I have a very spiritual linage with this, it is called the Akashic Records Keeper.  I have a tendency, even now to keep notes for myself and other people because I am developed in the art of communication.  As well I have a very flexible mind, I have learned to develop this in other life times.  I have done it as a speaker, in writing, in the market place, in very spiritual type of things such as a high priestess and a record keep for spiritual temples.  Either way, information is extremely important to me.  Keeping all the little bits and pieces together.  Yet, what is extremely interesting is that in my 4th house at the time of my birth, nothing was there as I entered with the exception of the ruling Gemini.  Essentially this means, no one was at home when I was born.  In other words, even though there were 50 plus people around with a tremendous amount of love for me, there was a terrible aloneness for me as a child.  I was quiet and withdrawn a lot of the times.  I thought it was cute when everyone would tell me how good and quiet I was.  I would laugh but then think to myself, but why?  Now it all makes sense.  Even though I had what I needed in the areas of family, friends and community, spiritually I did not and my soul purposely made it that way because it had to live in silence in a lot of ways, also in a type of imprisonment in some ways because no one was there to teach me spiritually.  Coming from a spiritual background, I was in some sort of private, quiet place all the time.

Now, when we look into what rules Gemini, it is Mercury.  And Mercury will tell me how I am going to use my gifts in this lifetime.  So if I go back up to my sun, in my 12th house in Aquarius, which is where I will find Mercury.  Which means my energy is somewhat in the future.  As well, I have the power to help things come to fruition, especially for others.  I have felt this from a very early age, that when people close to me or that I love and respect need or want something all I have to do is apply my energy to help manifest it for them.  I have a tendency to know and to feel things before they happen, sometimes accompanied by dreams.  I have noticed that when I use the words ‘I know’ especially intuitively, I do know whether something is right or wrong regardless of what anyone else has to say because I can feel it.  It just runs through me like electricity and I get these message more clearly when I am in private, withdrawing and having that energy.  That tell me I will have a tendency to do what I have done in other lifetimes, to withdraw in order to get my messages, to recoup, to know who I am.  Already, with the little review of my chart so far I am starting to understand the energy of knowing I have a gift, its communication, its knowing, it is in some way of using the information I receive in this lifetime.  With this gift I feel it has helped me greatly along my path and now will continue to even further with the Art Therapy and communicative fields.

The 5th House

Leo is the sign that governs the 5th house in the natural zodiac.


“Children and how one relates to them are found in the fifth house. Also, romance, love affairs (the type that will not lead to commitment or marriage), pleasures, enjoyment, fun, amusement parks, playgrounds, sports of all kinds, games, arts, leisure activities, creativity, entertainment, concerts, holidays, games of chance such as, gambling, speculation, financial risks, stocks and investments are found in the 5th house. This is the house of self-expression through creativity.”

Lets travel around to the 5th house; the 5th house is a very interesting house.  It is a house that in its natural abilities is ruled by the sign Leo and by the sun.  However, Cancer is ruling my 5th house.  It is where we take something and we create, we take something that is totally blank, blank sheet of paper, a heart that doesn’t have anything in it, all of that is something we take and create out of love.  So if it is a love affair we can create children, or it can be love that is fueling something else such as writing and art or anything that we create from nothing, because we love it is our child.  This is the energy of the 5th house.

I have no planets in my 5th house, but I have a very, very powerful goddess who was the faithful wife of Zeus.  Zeus betrayed his wife with a mortal woman and that is when she became Hera, she was a force to deal with.  She is in the sign of Cancer; as well I have a lot of Retrogrades in my chart, which comes in the symbol of the R ().  I have seven of these Symbols throughout my chart, which means this is a very Karmic life for me, I came here to remember who I am, to be reminded of what I came here to do and I brought those gifts with me.  Karma is simply a chain that connects us to the past in some way or other and in my case; it is where my destiny is bringing me.

“When a planet is retrograde, its energies are turned inward and becomes more subjective.  The energy is slower manifesting in the external world, partly because the individual with retrograde planets tends to think more deeply about the energies involved.  Many geniuses and leaders have retrograde planets.


According to Martin Schulman, in his Karmic Astrology:  Retrogrades & Reincarnation, Vol. II, retrograde planets tend to break the time barrier.  The individual brings memories of prior lifetimes into the present incarnation.  There may be feelings of a “blending of lifetimes” characterized by the person attempting to resolve issues that still appear to be unfinished.  The memories can be so vivid that the person does not recognize them as “memories.”  In Schulman’s words:  “He is living in a dulled phase of another time zone whose irresistible magnetism seems even more important than his current life.”  The individual keeps re-living the experiences that relate to the particular retrograde planet.


Retrogrades operate through multiple dimensions at the same time.  Thus, the person may “be either behind or ahead of himself in this life while still another part of self is not yet in this life at all.  In addition to this lack of synchronization with chronological time, which in itself would be enough to upset most individuals, he also experiences on still another plane, a rather unique orientation in space.


Schulman’s definition of a “Retrograde individual” refers to having either:  1) 3 or more retrogrades in the natal chart, 2) any one of the personal planets Retrograde, or 3) even one single Retrograde planet near the Ascendant or Midheaven (the 10th house cusp is called the Midheaven).


The Retrograde planet, with its powerful karmic lessons being brought forward in this life tends to emphasize the matter or form side of life, throwing man into the more primitive parts of himself where his struggle for survival amidst the conditions and people around him becomes predominant over the fulfillment of his Soul.  This becomes even more heightened in the case of the inner [personal] Retrogrades (Mercury, Venus, & Mars) through which man deals with the very same intimate, personal, and private parts of himself which he has been struggling with since his beginning in time.


          It is comforting and encouraging to know “that soul and spirit are above the laws of karma” and all difficulties can be resolved.  Much spiritual growth can take place.”

As well, in my 5th house I have Juno, in the sign of cancer, She rules the energy of women, children and creation and brings that beautiful motherly energy, letting me know the feminine energy will be incredibly important for me.

The 6th House

Virgo is the sign that governs the 6th house in the natural zodiac.


 “The sixth house of your horoscope is the house of health and service. General well-being and illness are found here.  Proactive measures you take for your health such as diet and exercise are also found in the sixth house. Hygiene, work (not career, as that is a tenth house matter), service, employees, relations with employer, anyone who provides a service to you in whatever capacity, domestic pets and your daily routine are related to the 6th house.”

The 5th house is a house of creativity; the moon rules it so that led me to look at my chart for the placement of my moon, which happens to fall within the next house, my 6th house.   It is in the sign of Leo and this tells me I will succeed, my sun will shine its light on what I am doing because the 6th house is the house of work and health.  They go together because if we are doing work we don’t like, we get sick.  Been there and done that!  With the placement of my moon in Leo, I am told that in some way or another that what I create and will continue to create will help heal other people.  It’s with my words, it is in what I do, it is in someway that I touch, that I do and will continue to make a difference.  When I look above the moon symbol in my 6th house I find symbol of a horseshoe that is facing the earth that is at 00 °.  Theoretically there are 33 ° degrees in every sign so when we are shown 00 ° it tells me that, yes, I have that Retrograde there, I came here to do something and remember but I am going to do it in an entirely different way!  In past lives I didn’t have computers, I couldn’t get published in those days, this is in the sign of Virgo and Virgo is the sign of healing but it is extremely analytical, it says I have all of my facts in place.  I have an internal file cabinet that tells me what is right and what is wrong regardless of what others say.  It also tells me that I know peoples weaknesses, I don’t use them in a negative way but I do recognize where I can get through to a person in whatever way is necessary to do it.

Next in my 6th house I can see the planet Jupiter, Jupiter is my planet of destiny, and I will talk more about that when I get to my destiny point, but it also in the sign of Virgo, also Retrograde and it is saying I have the wisdom needed.  It flows into me like a cup and as I use that wisdom in a way that will help heal and bring the necessary information out to others, (record keeper) my energy, my destiny point will start to flow beautifully.  Now, that is all in the 6th house of health and work so we know my work has to do with wisdom, but we are still down in the lower part of my chart.  It comes with wisdom it comes with healing.  When I do this, I will make my partnership and that is when I enter the 7th house.

The 7th House

The Descendant

Libra is the sign that governs the 7th house in the natural zodiac.

“Serious committed relationships are found in the seventh house. Traditionally, this was the house of marriage as marriage is a contract you have with another person. Your spouse, contractual partnerships, one-on-one relationships, business partnerships including verbal commitments, rivals, justice, law, opponents (adversaries) are included in this house.

 Whereas the 5th house governs romance and love affairs, the seventh house is about the deep commitment of love. It also shows what you need in a relationship and partner.

The cusp of the 7th house is also known as the Descendant and is formed by the horizon line directly across from the Ascendant (1st house). It is the sign that, like the sunset, was setting in the west at the time of birth. It is found at 3 o’clock on the zodiac wheel.”

The 7th house is the house of partnerships.  But it is also legal matters, it’s the lower courts, it is being able to have things in place, but it says if and when I choose a partner it will be interesting with me, because I am very analytical, this person will almost have to hand me a vita to be my husband!  Because I come from a place where I must know the truth before going forward with anything.   This is when I find my place on earth and it will be a partnership in some way with a person, or whether it is with the world itself, I will be in a place where I will no longer feel alone, where I will finally feel safe and grounded.

When I look to the next planet I see Mars, remember I have Aries in the first house and that is where I have that fire, through my partnership and through me doing what I want to do, that fire will come out because it is Retrograde.  Most likely it will be with someone, or even a group of people who I have been with before in past lives.  I will have that incredible connection with them.

I have been on this spiritual journey for a while now, but unless we feel the extremes of what life has to bring, we will never be able to feel the full spectrum of emotion, to fully understand its meaning.  We would never be able to help others fully.  The shift that I went through last year was paramount for me.  Along with everything else I was forced to look at every relationship I had or have hung onto or had fantasies about, thinking oh ok they do care about me and all the while making excuses.  I started to find out that, no, it is not what I thought it was and I closed the door on a lot of things last year, and that was very difficult.  From the start of my most recent awakening, little over a year ago up until now, I couldn’t even phantom starting a new relationship.  The last 3 years of my 13 year cycle was what we call a ‘closing circle”.  It was a closing down energy and boy, it all came down in a crash around last June.  We can’t start something new very easily when we have an energy closing down.  So I went through the big crash with the closing of my 13-year cycle.  Now, it is opening up again and it is opening up in the most beautiful way.  I am stepping into some incredibly powerful energy; my prior energy was good and powerful too but in a different way.  It was placed where I was tested in every way, like a hero’s journey.  Within this new 13-year cycle I have moved into the energy of faith and belief and knowing, because I do have that ability to sense things before they happen and I am starting to sense that something is about to happen.

A little over a year ago during the last period of my “closing down cycle”, I had an emotional low point and was forced to question everything.  2011 was very, very challenging in that way for me, but it had to be that way because it is the year that lead to the biggest and most beautiful changes in my life on every single level!  I am now moving across that energy and the key for me, the moment I stepped into my destiny point for my next 13-year cycle was the moment Venus crossed the sun, a very rare occurrence that will not happen another 105 years.  I moved out of that place where I had to test my own strength and my own compassion.  Whether I was among 13 people or 100 people, it didn’t matter because it was a lonely place to be.  At times it would seem as though when I would speak it was a recording and that I was invisible to other people, because I was in this labyrinth that my soul put me in for me to learn to do what I needed to do, to come out of this.  I finally moved out of that place where I had to test my own strength and my own compassion.  During the last period of my “closing down cycle”, I didn’t have it in me to even think of finding love outside of myself.  It didn’t even cross my mind because I was so involved in furthering what I had to give as a person and on becoming who it is I am meant to be.  I knew in my heart I need not worry or look, and that if I could finally come into this place where I was meant to be, where I finally recognized myself, he would recognize me too.

Being an Aquarius I may not want to be married, I may want to make a dedication to someone on a mountaintop because contracts with other people can be difficult for me; at least this was the case in my earlier life.  It isn’t that I couldn’t do it, but I didn’t want to, I didn’t like the feeling or idea that the old ways held on marriage and women however, times have changed.

December of this year, 2012, brings about extremely transformative energy.  This may signify the joining of my soul partner and I, the one I am meant to be with.  My chart also signifies that I may have already come into contact with this soul recently within the past 6 months.  We will not know the transformative power of the relationship until the winter months though.  It also says that when I do come into a place where I want a partnership I will take it and be very faithful to it, dedicated to it and I will expect the same from my partner.  My partnering soul will be a person who is very responsible, he may be a bit order then me, someone who has the wisdom, someone who will come in and reinforce my ideas of self-worth.  The power in our relationship is that this will be a person I can talk with and communicate with and can talk all night with if I need to about fifteens different thoughts and things.  So communication is going to be the big thing in my partnership, it is going to be key.  We will probably have a lot of verbal debates but we will both enjoy it because each one of us is like a computer for a mind and we each have our own facts.  We will have a very interesting partnership, it will be very dedicated to mind and sharing ideas.  I had to go through that really hard time and testing period because I needed to be tested but going through all of that has allowed me to come into all the incredible things I am experiencing and have yet to experience.

Also in my 7th house there is the VX symbol.  This is very lucky energy, some of the really, really good parts in my life.  These generally are the points in our charts where things just seem to happen for us.  We will always encounter challenges but what this symbol tell me is that even with every challenge I face there will always be a way out at the 11th hour, and Aquarius is absolutely the 11th hour energy!  When we think we are going down for the 3rd time I will always come out of it.  It is important for me to recognize that because it is a blessing I have, I will always be saved even if it is the last minute.  SO, I have lucky energy here by using my knowledge and using my energy.

Right next to the VX symbol I have Lilith. I am not sure if you know who Lilith is or not but before the Christians got a hold of the Hebrew records and changed them, it was written that Adam had two wives.  His first wife was Lilith, she was created equal with Adam which you would find out in the first chapter of Genesis where it says man and woman were created at the dame time, created equal.  Adam wanted Lilith to submit and she said no way buddy!  I am out of here!  So, she was villainized and had been for a long time by the patriarchy but she is very strong, very powerful independent woman energy.  My chart shows she is there and gives me that independence, that freedom to move out of anything that is constricting or that doesn’t feel right to me.  I have always been blessed with the gift of being able to walk away when a person or situation becomes toxic because somewhere deep down inside I knew I deserved better, always.

Saturn is right there as well; Saturn also represents my father and my energy in Retrograde, which means I have a strong Karmic energy with him.  Whether he taught me what to do or not to do, he is very much apart of where I judge other people as partners to be good or to be bad.  I analyzed this relationship in my mind many, many times and he did exactly what he was supposed to do.

Next I have another Retrograde in Pluto in the sign of Libra.  Pluto is one of the great soul powers, it is the power of transformation and my power of transformation was in waiting until I learned the power of compassion, which I was compelled to do from the moment I came into this life.  Also ruled by Pisces and Neptune I also had to learn the power of making my commitment to my vow, no matter what is said I will control my own life and that is Saturn.  So I have already grown through development, so many of these soul powers.  Through what I have gone through Saturn will bring me into the sign of Libra, and Libra is balance.  I will no longer be tipping one-way or the other.  I will come into the balance because I did pay my dues, I did go through 2011, I did learn how to transform my love, I did find my compassion and I did find my strength and I will vow never to do to another what was done to me.  So now Pluto says, ok, lets move into your destiny, which bring us into my 8th house.

The 8th House

Scorpio is the sign that governs the 8th house in the natural zodiac.


“Traditionally known as the house of rebirth and regeneration, this house is symbolized by the Phoenix rising up from the ashes. The eight house covers birth, death, decay, surgery, healing, wills, gifts, inheritance, credit, legacies, other people’s money, your partner’s money, child support, taxes, investments, the clearing away in order to make room for the new, reincarnation, sex and attitudes towards sex. As sex is a gift of giving one’s self to another, so sex is found in the 8th house.”

Scorpio rules this house.  Scorpio is the Phoenix.  It has a hard time coming into balance.  It stays within one extreme to the other; there is no gray area.  However, because my Pluto is in Libra it says, Yes! I will come into balance and it wont go to the extremes any longer.  Anyone close to me can tell you this happened for me within the last year or so and it was drastic enough for all to witness.  When the balance took place it was like a lighten bolt hitting me.

Also within my 8th house holds the symbol to The Mysteries.  That is the energy that says, I see the hidden things in life, in my life, in the world, I have the ability to see these and I can help transform.  Aquarius is the ruler and my sun is Uranus.  When I am going through the testing of Uranus I am going through the first awakening of the soul and it shows that I went through this several times.  I can pinpoint each awakening and the emotion and events that transpired.  The last one in particular would have been around June of last year, which makes complete since.  Do to numerous circumstances I was forced to question everything.  All the sudden I had to look at everything in my life and say, ok, what can I savage in this short amount of time that will make me who I am.  It is like climbing up a mountain top in the worst storm you could possibly imagine, and all you have go on is you fingernails and toe nails and you climb your way to the top and when you finally get there all you see is a shear cliff.  You have got one choice, to jump off and hope you fly or to go backwards and with my kind of energy, failure is not an option, I am going to frickin’ fly!  I am going off this cliff!  So I have gone through this, it is the first awakening of the soul.  I made the necessary changes to be here now, only a year later and living out my dreams.

The 9th House

Sagittarius is the sign that governs the 9th house in the natural zodiac.


“Traditionally the ninth house is known as the house of long distance travel. Travel of distances greater than 500 miles would be found in this house. Voyages, foreigners, foreign countries, journeys into the unknown both physical and mental, church, religion, theology, philosophy, beliefs, divination, languages, higher learning, college education, literature, books, publishing, media, law, lawyers, truth, justice, prophecy, expansion and broadening of one’s horizons in all ways are covered by the 9th house.”

Jupiter is my planet of destiny.  We usually come into the energy of Pluto in our thirties, sometimes thirty-five and up.  It is when we have gone through enough that we are finally able to say ok, this is the way it is, I will use my compassion and my wisdom together.

Sagittarius just had a huge lunar eclipse a few months ago.  Right around the time of the solar eclipse which was extremely powerful.  We had the Sagittarius lunar eclipse and then we had Venus crossing the sun, so this means I could not have come into a bigger destiny stage then I am this year.  I am in my moment of destiny and this will go through now for the next 13 years.

The 10th House

The Midheaven or MC

Capricorn is the sign that governs the 10th house in the natural zodiac.


“The 10th house is the house of career and status. Ambitions, aspirations, attainments, success, occupation, recognition, reputation, prestige, identity within the community, public image, duty, responsibility, superiors, authority and the father within a family are found in the 10th house. Since the tenth house focuses on ambition and career, it makes sense that it would be the house that appropriately symbolizes the father.

The cusp of the tenth house is formed by the Midheaven (MC) and is the highest point of the chart. It is one of the major angles and a very sensitive point found at the tip top of your horoscope chart, or at 12 o’clock.”

Now,  with the 10th house we know that Jupiter is my planet of destiny but I have a planet sitting on the line between houses that is as equally as important, Neptune.  Neptune is in the sign of Sagittarius so that is telling me it is joining with Sagittarius the ruler of Jupiter.  Neptune is the power of unconditional love and compassion.  It is the ruler of Pisces.  Guess what two planets are now in Pisces? My Venus and my Neptune.  They are home.  And this tells me this is the second awakening of my soul, the awakening of my soul was when I came to the place where I acquired unconditional love and compassion and when I swore I will never do to another person what has been done to me, that I will love and care for all unconditionally.  There are many ways for me to know I have hit this place, one very common is when all the sudden a stranger or acquaintance will come to me and start to tell me their whole life story.  This happens all the time and it is because at a soul level they sense that just by being in my presence or feeling my touch that they can be healed.

Having Sagittarius at the top, on my destiny point means that my life will go through constant expansion of philosophies.  In other words I have to be a student of life and experience just about everything to be able to come into the highest sense of it.  When I do that I will start developing open mindedness to all areas of thought because I see that there is a bases of truth in all belief system and that they have just been changed and warped so much since the beginning.

With Sagittarius up there I may find myself really relating to people from all over the world, from other cultures because it is an extremely expansive sign.  And because of all the things I have gone through I am required to relate to others on their own level.  As I do this, I start to understand that we are supposed to share each others views, that each one of us has a different view and that through all of us sharing those views, we come into that oneness energy, that full circle.

The 11th House

Aquarius is the sign that governs the 11th house in the natural zodiac.

“Traditionally known as the house of hopes and wishes, the eleventh house is where dreams do come true. If you don’t think your dreams can come true, just wait until you have a significant planet transit this house. They do! Friends, group activities, your role in your community, social life, acquaintances, associates, societies, volunteering, leagues, clubs, other cultures and how we relate to them, humanitarian causes and charity are 11th house issues.”

I have the sign of Capricorn over my 11th house.  The 11th house is the sign of humanity; it is fulfilling the hope, dreams and wishes.  I do not have any planets here but Capricorn rules it and Capricorn is over my 7th house or Saturn and it is its ruler.  Saturn is over my 7th house and once again my father energy is a catalyst for me here where I know who I am now and how I can use the energy I have.  Again, learning what to do and not to do and I carry it over into the place now where we touch my soul, my sun.  I know the secrets of my soul; I have retuned back to that place.  Now, I can come into the place of knowing what I have to give to others.

The 11th house is the natural ruler of Aquarius, so I will fulfill that energy as well.  Aquarius’s energy says, I can change things, first I have to know who I am, and I will learn and understand the Mercury that is there.

I have another Karmic node, the south node.  It tells me that I must fill my own cup, my own soul my own self before I can give of my spirit to others.  I must remember and this is reinforced with another Retrograde here reminding me I am part of that oneness and I must fill that soul.  When I do, there I have Pallas Athena in the sign of Pisces, another female energy.  Pallas Athena was the guardian of all things beautiful and helpless, art, children and so forth.  So I begin to be the protector of these, I begin to be the one who defends and that is when I move into he rising sign and know who I truly am.

The 12th House

Pisces is the sign that governs the 12th house in the natural zodiac.

“Things that are hidden are found in this house. Seclusion, secrets, occult activities, psychic matters, escapism, drugs, alcohol, sorrow, confinement, imprisonment, prisons, restraint, institutions, hospitals, anywhere that you might be detained for whatever reason, exile, the unconscious self, dreams, hidden fears, paranoia, self-undoing, something behind the scenes, the subconscious mind, spirituality, faith and psychological problems are covered by the 12th house. This is the last house of the horoscope and the end of a complete cycle.”

Remember how I mentioned that where we place our sun is like our yellow brick road?  How it is where we want to shine our light?  Well my sun placement is interesting because if you think of this as being a house of the soul with 12 rooms in it, what holds up a house?  It’s foundation, right?  The 12th house is the foundation.  Now think about how most houses have a lot of shrubbery and flowers around the foundation, you cant see it.  Well, mine is that way, I have an incredibly powerful foundation but because of it being in the 12th house, I wasn’t allowed to see it for a long time.  That is one of the things that happened with me, that within my 4th house I was given no clue as to what I brought in.  I had to work through and bring myself to a place where I started to remember that something bigger was going on, something bigger was happening and that my understanding and my wisdom had to enter in because with Aries in my first house there was mixed emotions of frustration, alienation and disappointment for much of my life before.  However, I have come to a place of knowing, of understanding why everything happens the way it does, that we are not here to be mistreated, that we chose this because there was something specific we wanted to learn from it all.  That is what is so great about being able to read and understand our natal charts, when read intuitively and correctly, they can give a world of information to us to aid in our awareness of ourselves, how we see ourselves, how we see others and how we see the world around us.

I have quite an amazing chart, a lot of challenges.  It has been a lot of work but I had to do the work and I made sure of that by putting my sun in the 12th house.  I made it so that no one could find these answers but me, until I experienced what I came here to do.  I have a good life and I want to help others have the same.  I will make an impact on the world just by my ideas.

I hope you have enjoyed the Astrological information I have provided!  Hopefully something I have said has sparked something in you and you, whether it is a knowing or a curiosity.  I would like to mention that reading Charts takes a significant amount of time to learn; I know I am still trying!  In order to receive the extensive intuitive knowledge of my chart I consulted with a very wise and schooled soul who specializes in tapping into The Akashic Records through our Astrological charts.  It is very interesting to be able to read charts but unless we have a strong intuitive connection to spirit we will be missing very important key pieces of the puzzle.  The good news is if this is something you are heavily interested in, every single of us are capable of acquiring that intuitive power, it just takes time, training, some mentoring and persistence, much like everything else that is worth working towards!

♥ All of my love and light ♥


~ Jennifer

I have included some informative links on Astrology and links to some great books on the Akashic Records, Enjoy!







I Am The Record Keeper: The Akashic Records.

“The Akashic Records (Akasha is a Sanskrit word meaning “sky”, “space” or “ether”) is a term used in theosophy (and Anthroposophy to describe a compendium of mystical knowledge encoded in a non-physical plane of existence.”

Imagine there is a place; a place where your every experience, thought you have, every emotion you feel and word you speak is documented forever and that this has been done from the beginning of time and with the inception of the human race. A dimension of consciousness that contains a vibrational record of every soul and its multiple lives, a place accessible everywhere, all of the time and if you needed to tap into it at any given moment and retrieve this information you could because it exists and only so much requires your awareness and willingness to perceive.

Known Metaphorically as a library, The Akashic records are described as containing all knowledge of human experience and the history of the cosmos. Analogies commonly include that of “Universal Supercomputer” and the “Mind of God” because it is believed these records are constantly and automatically updated making the information accessible through astral projection or deep hypnosis. It is believed we already access these records for ourselves without any help on an unconscious level in order to help heal and understand certain hidden aspects of ourselves. However, once we have reached beyond a certain point in awareness we find that these records when accessed consciously can help us to evolve Spiritually.

“Exploring the Akashic Records can be extremely valuable. What can be revealed is the essence and expression, potentials, and purposes of the Soul. Issues of the lifetime are brought to light from the perspective of soul growth. Favorable and difficult patterns that are present can be discovered. Within the context of the Record, it is reasonable to become aware of and develop strategies for healing and change. These strategies can be based on the energies present that are able to support the fulfillment of any plan for change. For some, the activity of being in the Record sheds enough light to enable the release of old ideas and patterns. It’s as if the light gets underneath the pattern in consciousness and lifts it to a higher place.” ~ Linda Howe

In combination with my Astrological Charts and The Akashic Records I have learned a great deal about myself, more so of why certain experiences in my life took place, why current experiences have presented themselves and why those that have yet to occur will come to fruition. When we go through challenges, it is not that we are helpless victims, our souls have planned each and every experience for some reason and that is what is so incredible about life in all of its extremes. We know that there is meaning to it, in everything that we have experienced. I’d love to share with you all some of my personal experience with The Akashic Records as well my personal astrology, which is one of the languages used to access this phenomenal resource. My main reason for wanting to share such personal information (besides bringing The Akashic Records to the forefront) is that through sharing the knowledge I have gained, maybe you can take away something significant, a message or two of some kind. This post will be split up into two separate posts. The first will focus on The Akashic Records and the second will have an Astrology focus that ties back to The Akashic Records, presenting a detailed look into the information I received with regards to my life and my purpose.

I learned that within my Astrological Natal Chart, Gemini rules my 4th house, the house in which my soul entered into my body. Gemini presents the gifts my soul brought in with it from another lifetime or many lifetime experiences. Understand the soul looks at this as one lifetime with different stages and different costumes. With my 4th house ruled by the sign of Gemini, I was given the gift to communicate, but also I have a very spiritual linage with this, it is called The Akashic Records Keeper. I have a tendency, even now to keep notes for myself and other people because I am developed in the art of communication. As well I have a very flexible mind, I have learned to develop this in other life times. I have done it as a speaker, in writing, in the market place, in very spiritual types of things such as a high priestess and a record keeper for spiritual temples. Either way, information is extremely important to me and giving the information I receive is equally as important to me! Keeping all the little bits and pieces together.

What is extremely interesting is that in my 4th house at the time of my birth, nothing was there as I entered with the exception of the ruling Gemini. Essentially this means, no one was “at home” when I was born. In other words, even though there were 50 plus people surrounding me with a tremendous amount of love, there was a terrible aloneness for me as a child.   With that being said, I come from a large tight-knit traditional Italian American family and so I have never truly been alone a day in my life, but I was given that illusion in order to accomplish what needed to be done.  As a child I was quiet and withdrawn a lot of the times. I thought it was cute when everyone would tell me how good and quiet I was. I would laugh but then think to myself, “I wonder what that was about?” Now it all makes sense. Even though I had what I needed in the areas of family, friends and community, spiritually I did not and my soul purposely made it that way because it had to live in silence in a lot of ways, in a type of imprisonment mentally and emotionally because no one was there physically to teach me spiritually.  Whether I was among 13 people or 100 people, it didn’t matter because it was a lonely place to be until I could figure all there was to figure out.   At times it would seem as though when I would speak it was a recording and that I was invisible to other people, because I was in this labyrinth that my soul put me in for me to learn to do what needed to be done, to come out of it.  Knowing what I know now I realize that coming from a spiritual background, I was in some sort of private quiet place connecting all the time.  I finally moved out of that place where I had to test my own strength and my own compassion this year with the ending of my last 13-year cycle. The key for me, the moment I stepped into my destiny point for my next 13-year cycle was the moment Venus crossed the sun recently.

Where our sun is positioned within our natal chart at the time of our birth tells us where we want to shine our light and the placement of my sun tells me that my sun was to be hidden for quite some time until I gathered every bit of information I needed and then I would suddenly burst back out into the light again. Ascended, or our rising sign is very important as well. My rising sign is in Pisces. Pisces is a beautiful sign, except that is it almost like a pilgrim soul, it has a tendency to feel as though it never belongs in any particular place. It also is very easily wounded, because it is a very creative, spiritual gifted sign, somewhat spacey, haha! It was the sign that was coming up over the horizon the moment that they cut the cord between my mother and I and I drew my first breath. That is when my soul journey began, at that very moment in this lifetime and that is why it is called the rising sign. It is how we see the world how the world sees us, it is our window onto the world. At times I may look like Aquarius or I may look like Pisces because I can look like either one of them or a combination of both. I have Venus in Pieces, which is the highest elevation of love that can be served in this lifetime. It also has the requirement that we learn to love with unconditional compassion. Being that Venus is in my first house, it means I probably had not had that. In other words, until I learned to love myself unconditionally, and learned to go through many times of being mistreated or misunderstood, until I came to that place where I found that my greatest resource is my own heart, my own soul, that is the moment I would gain compassion for myself and that is the moment it would begin to overflow to everyone else. Learning of this was a wonderful conformation. It helped me to make sense of everything that had happened and more importantly all that is to come. It is no coincidence that I am working to become an Art Therapist where communication is crucial, as well that this will entail me having complete understanding, empathy, compassion and unconditional love for all those I intend to help. I would have not been able to help people to the fullest without gaining unconditional love and understanding for myself first.

“The energy that makes up the Akashic Records is the energy of Love! The knowledge contained in the Akashic Records is imprinted upon a subtle substance called the Akasha, which describes the energy of Love that permeates and creates everything in the Universe.”

There are countless ways to access The Akashic Records, astrology is just one of these ways. Some access it through sacred prayer or meditation. Others have a direct line and are able to tap in consciously at any given moment. It is truly up to the seeker how or when they choose to access these sacred “scripts”. Now, Would I have survived without having consciously receiving this information? Would I still have ended up where it is I am and where it is am going? Yes! Absolutely! However, if you have a similar personality to mine then you are the type of soul who likes to understand, to analyze every last detail! I loved accessing this information; I loved the rich and deeper understanding of everything I was able to accumulate and use in furthering my awareness and spiritual extension with limitless and unconditional love. It has undoubtedly aided me in helping others and myself whether or not they are aware of it. If you are the type of soul who would rather leave the “behind the scenes” work right where it is, then that is just fine! My point here is not to convince anyone one way is better then the other, just the notion that The Akashic Records exist and that if certain aspects of my linage or my story resonates with you and you are interested in tapping into it yourself, that wealth of knowledge is there for you anytime, whenever you may need it. (:

To be continued…

♥ All of my love and light ♥


~ Jennifer

I have included some wonderfully informative links on The Akashic Records, Astral Projection and The Cosmos! Enjoy!!!!











Do not stand at my grave and weep.

“Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush<
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft star-shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.”

~ Mary Elizabeth Frye

This past weekend was a whirlwind with regards to emotion.  Friday night and Saturday morning I attended the wake and funeral of a beloved family member.  It was a somber two days, yet there have been what seems like these random flashes of memories being played out right in front of my face, over and over again.   I know I am blessed, because in thinking and feeling these memories out, all I can feel now is love and happiness even from with in the darkest memories.  As I made it into the afternoon of Saturday the energy changed a bit as I attended the dance recital of my beautiful cousins, Olivia (5), Kelsey (14) and Kaitlyn (16).  I couldn’t help but shed some tears as Olivia danced, she was glowing and happy and I knew in that moment that these were the steps to the beginning of everything for her and I was there to see it.  I ended the weekend with great friends, good food and drink and an amazing time and so I began to think of this incredible cycle we call life and how in the same weekend I had experienced the extremes of what life is all about.  Where we had the departing of an older soul, those who are developing their own and those who are only just beginning.

The first time I ever read the poem above written by Mary Elizabeth Frye, was on the first day of my grandfathers wake (my mothers father), 11 years ago.  I was so confused, and I was sure as hell not ready to say goodbye to him and so a large part of me stayed hidden away trying to understand what had just taken place.  I had never felt that deep of a loss or had experienced losing someone before my own eyes as I did with my grandfather Pat.  I can remember I was sitting in the funeral parlor and I flipped over one of my grandfather Patsy’s mass cards and that poem is what I found.  I was floored, stunned.  I knew, even with being so young at the time and not aware of my own divinity just yet, I knew I was supposed to read the poem and that the poem was supposed to be on my grandfather’s mass cards for so many to have read and take home with them forever, including myself.  You see, this poem encompassed all of who I perceived my grandfather to be and so I knew in my heart that he had fixed it so that specific poem would find me at that precise moment.  He was selfless, intelligent, hard working, honest, loving, kind and free and he would have never wanted us to hurt, to mourn as deeply as we did.

He would have smirked and chuckled and said, “Cut it out!  Just look around and I’ll be right there, whenever you need me.”  The minute I read that poem I knew, without a shadow of a doubt that my grandfather was not in that coffin.  His vessel was, but his spirit was very much alive and with me, with us all.  I didn’t equate this to my beliefs or religion at the time but more so what I was feeling and my intuition.  He was here one minute, full of love and the next, gone?  It didn’t make sense to me.  Then, we were to follow through these ceremonies, mourn him and bury him to say our goodbyes?  No, I knew there was more to it and I didn’t stop until I figured it out for myself, and I have.

I am a people watcher and so I tend to observe people especially in the most significant and monumental moments.  Death, being one of them, I find it fascinating how each individual, culture and society handles death uniquely.  With the experiences of this past weekend, I began thinking of our rituals of death, and by us I mean of the world and how they have came about.  As well, how our rituals and ceremonies are so richly and closely entwined with our spiritual and religious beliefs.

Funeral rituals and customs are as old as civilization itself and there are three things in common relating to death that have held through time no matter the culture and they are funeral rites, rituals, ceremonies, a sacred place and memorialization.  Neanderthal burial grounds dating to 60,000 BC had animal antlers on the body and flower fragments next to the corpse telling us some type of ritual, gift and remembrance existed.  As primitive and without any great psychological knowledge as the Neanderthal man was believed to be, there is proof that they instinctively buried their dead with ritual and ceremony, very much in the same way we do now.  But why? And how did this come about?

It is said that fear played a huge part in what we accept as our rituals today and that this fear of the dead carried over into what was developed into our religions and philosophies.  Neanderthal believed life and death events were the acts of spirits but since he was not able to see or sense these spirits, he lived in a world of terror.  The first burial customs then, were within a raw state of efforts to protect the living from the spirits, which were believed to have caused the death of the person.  Fear of the dead caused the burning of bodies to destroy evil spirits, which later became a custom adopted by many through time including certain Hindu and Asian cultures.

Many primitive tribes even today simply run away from their dead, leaving them to rot.  Zoroastrians allow their dead to rot or be devoured by vultures.  In Tibet and among the Kamchatkan Indians, dogs are used.  Herodotus tells us that the Calatians ate their own dead, it was considered a sacred honor and duty.  To this day, certain African tribes are known to grind the bones of their dead and mingle them with their food.  The Zulus burn all of the belongings of the deceased to prevent the evil spirits from even hovering in the vicinity.   In Hebrew belief, the dead were considered unclean and anyone who came in contact with the dead were declared unclean.  Sacrifices of one kind or another were also offered in honor of the dead.  In some cases their purpose was again, to appease the spirits.  In some cultures, these sacrifices were meant to be used by the deceased in the future world.

Native American tribes maintained their own death customs and adapted them to their regional environments, although such rituals and beliefs could pass from one group to the other through trade and intermarriage. Most Native American tribes believed that the souls of the dead passed into a spirit world and became part of the spiritual forces that influenced every aspect of their lives. Many tribes believed in two souls: one that died when the body died and one that might wander on and eventually die.  Burial customs varied widely from tribe to tribe. Indians disposed of their dead in a variety of ways.

Within certain Italian cultures, the family themselves take control of the deceased’s body.  They prepare the body, wash them, clothe them and set them out for viewing for relatives and the town.  The visitors and mourners bring coffee or sugar as gifts.  The body sleeps in the house with the family until it is time to bury them.  Once the wake is over, the family caries the body through the streets of the town to the cemetery where they nail the coffin themselves and place them into the wall.  I know this because, I experienced it first hand in Italy when my fathers father (Eduardo).

Many of our own funeral customs have their historical basis in pagan rituals.  Modern mourning clothing came from the custom of wearing special clothing as a disguise to hide identity from returning spirits.  Covering the face of the deceased with a sheet stems from pagan tribes who believed that the spirit of the deceased escaped through the mouth. Feasting and gatherings associated with the funeral began as an essential part of the primitive funeral where food offerings were made.  Wakes held today come from ancient customs of keeping watch over the deceased hoping that life would return.  The lighting of candles comes from the attempts to protect the living from the spirits.  The practice of ringing bells comes from the common medieval belief that the spirits would be kept at bay by the ringing of a consecrated bell.  The firing of a rifle volley over the deceased mirrors the tribal practice of throwing spears into the air to ward off spirits hovering over the deceased.  Originally, holy water was sprinkled on the body to protect it from the demons.  Floral offerings were originally intended to gain favor with the spirit of the deceased and Funeral music had its origins in the ancient chants designed to placate the spirits.

I have read up quite of bit on this subject and I have been through my own experiences.  As well, I have experienced loss and its rituals within other cultures first hand.  In the end, what takes place after the souls of those I loved departed didn’t matter.  Don’t get me wrong, it felt good to work within tradition and see the rituals and ceremonies through as a means of respect.  However, what was most important for me was the understanding that those who leave here are never truly gone, and that those who have left have done so for us, just as much as themselves.  That, what we are left with after they leave, what we see fit as a means of saying a proper goodbye is purely for our comfort here on the 3rd dimensional plane, to help us transition within a time that holds fear and seemingly has no reason, when in truth everything has its reason.

Presently, there is no doubt that a large part of our rituals and our ceremonies have just as much to do with the psychological aspects of grief and mourning as they have to do with tradition or conditioning.  For many, regardless of how our ways were formed, find great relief in them, which in turn allows our rituals to act as a vehicle for healing.  Yet, in having read all of this information perhaps another question is formed, what other parts of us and our beliefs, our culture and society have we allowed fear to construct for us?  What comes to mind for me could triple the length of this post!  However, I’ll leave you with that question to answer for yourself and possibly challenge some thoughts, maybe finally ask those questions that have needed asking, or to make some changes that you knew you needed to make, but couldn’t until right now.

♥ All of my love and light ♥


~ Jennifer

Zeus? He’s Got Nothing On My Dad.

In fact, Zeus could learn a few things from my dad! My hope is that you all come to know unconditional love. Whether it is from a parent, a grandparent, a child, siblings, friends, a life partner, or most importantly yourself, my wish is for you to know a love that will never, ever fade. Can we all just stop and really think about this for a moment? Think of the power behind a love that will never fade, that will never die. Step away from the screen close your eyes and give yourself a moment before you come back. Imagine a love so grand it literally swallows you whole, reminding you of who you are, that you are precisely where you need to be and that, every atom of your being is perfect 🙂 This kind of love that defies all odds, it saves lives as well as creates new life, this kind of love creates miracles, and I know this because I have witnessed it. Our inward journey towards loving ourselves unconditionally can turn out to be a life’s struggle for many. Unfortunately, I have watched some perish before ever achieving it. Yet, if we are fortunate enough, throughout our toughest life lessons we have that one or more then one person that will always love us unconditionally no matter what. I speak of that love that never judges, leaves or decreases, which never changes and stays the same eternally constant and is forever growing with time. So far in my life’s experience, this is the love of my family and in honor of fathers day yesterday, more specifically, my father.

One of my earliest memories is of when I was around 5 years old. I remember waiting on the steps in the early morning for my father to leave for work. I would wake up and run to the top step where I would sit waiting for him to pass me. Before continuing down the stairs and out the front door, my father would pick me up and place me back into bed tucking me in and giving me a kiss. He was usually out of the house by 6 am, and I was always half asleep but I needed to be there to see him off. I was too young to fully understand that kind of commitment yet somehow I knew then, there wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for me, for all of us. It is 28 years later and he still wakes up at 6 am every morning for work, both my mother and father still do.

Through life’s up and downs my father has never lost his faith. He has always kept his optimism, has never lost his boyish charm, sense of humor and most importantly he has never lost his laughter. There was and still is a confidence that he keeps, he has never and will never care what anyone else has to say, unless of course it is about his family and in that case, take cover! He is insanely loyal, to the degree of what some might see as a fault. He is as strong as an ox but as gentle as a teddy bear. He has always followed his heart and even though he has been taken advantage of repeatedly, he has never stopped giving. He is happiest when all of those around him are happy, and he loves with everything he has got. There has never been a day in my life where I didn’t feel protected. There wasn’t a day where I didn’t feel as though everything I could ever need or want I had. I have never lived a day without feeling that, anything is possible. This is because of a love I continuously and unconditionally receive from an incredible father. So much of who I am is my dad. He has helped me to shape who it is I have become and will forever affect who it is I am to be.

Every family and its dynamic is different and it is so important that we respect that. There are those with incredible endurance and strength, men and women, mothers and fathers, grandmothers and grandfathers, aunts and uncles, sisters and brothers who have assumed both rolls, acting as both mother and father. I know we have these days once a year in honor of our mothers and fathers, but it is so important to hold the same appreciation we hold on these days, everyday for those who have selflessly dedicated their lives to caring and loving for us.

The best gift we can give ourselves is unconditional love. When we allow ourselves to love in this way, our cup overflows and that love reaches all of those around us. It is no mystery that the best gift we can give children is love, unbridled, unconditional love and support. Loving who we are in turn allows us to love others fully, this is the love my father provided and still provides. When we love those around us the best we can and with truth and intent, it teaches those watching how to fly.

“My father didn’t tell me how to live: he lived, and let me watch him do it.” ~ Clarence B. Kelland

Thank you dad, for everything and for being the very best of everything for us, always. I love you always, forever and a day.

♥ All of my love and light ♥


~ Jennifer

Stop Looking For Me So Intently, So That I May Find You.

“Stop looking for me so intently, so that I may find you.”

~ Jennifer Santaniello

Sometimes the answers we need are right in front of our face.  Sometimes, it takes a good friend and person to say to us, “slow down!!!!”.  Maybe what we are looking for is actually patiently waiting for us to slow down and stop running frantically about, so that it may finally catch up to us.

There are times in our lives which demand and require our biggest fight, if we are fortunate enough parts of our lives will always require us to dig this deep.  Yet, there are times in life where only in our arrest, in our stillness do we find what we need, or rather, what we need finds us.  Perhaps the key is just the right balance of action, persistence, determination, patience as well as the willingness to stop where we are when need be, and just be happy, feel grateful and allow the seeds we’ve planted along the way to rise up around us in greatness and with love.

My intention in writing this post tonight is to remind you that it is ok to slow down every so often, and allow the answers you seek to find you.  Sit back tonight, relax, do something that makes you incredibly happy and if that entails doing nothing other then sitting in silence, then so be it!  Who knows, perhaps it is in our quietest moments that we receive the answers to our biggest questions (;

♥ All of my love and light ♥


~ Jennifer

What’s Meant To Be Will Always Find A Way.

“There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under the jurisdiction. I can decide how I spend my time, which I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I can read and eat and study. I can choose how I’m going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life-whether I will see them as curses or opportunities. I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts.”

Elizabeth Gilbert

I chose to open with this quote because we are given free will and we make our own decisions.  Whether we are dependent upon others in making those decisions is still, ultimately our choice.  Yet, at my very core I believe as well that there are many moments and events in our lives that are meant to happen in order to get us to where it is we are meant to be.  Universal principles occur in which the order of things is presumably prearranged, a ruled cause of events through time.

I hadn’t expected to write this past weekend although I knew I would touch upon the topic of fate eventually, events conspired to push me into writing this post.  Friday, I was at my aunt’s house that was holding a get together.  Mary, a life long friend of my mother and aunt was there and we had been catching up because we hadn’t seen each other in quite some time.  She had asked about my schooling and I had informed her how I conveniently had enough Psych and Social Science credits from college to be able to step into grad school with ease.  My major in college had been Animation and so ten years ago I would have never imagined I would be here now.  I went on to express my gratitude in the forces of the universe, acknowledging how my earlier choices in life helped to create my current aspirations and present reality of becoming an Art Therapist.  We got into talking about how our decisions shape our lives even decades later and how there are events that unfold that we could never imagine or explain away.  This is when Mary told me the story that inspired this post.

Mary started off by saying she enjoyed her week because she was able to visit with an old dear friend of hers.  A friend who currently lives in Vermont, but that wasn’t always the case.  Mary’s friend Brenda lived here in NY originally.  When she was younger she was engaged to be married but the engagement was called off.  Mary’s friend remained here in NY and her ex-fiancé Steve relocated to California and eventually married.  Twenty plus years had gone by, when Mary’s friend received a random call on her answering machine.  It was Steve and he explained that he had gotten her number when he was at work.  He had been in the middle of a company meeting regarding new computer software and the computer expert asked each of the workers within the meeting to give him a name and in return he would locate the their contacts and provide addresses and numbers, this was meant as a demonstration of the new software.  Steve gave the computer expert Brenda’s name.  The computer expert was able to locate her and provide a number for Steve.  However, at the time of his call, Brenda was away.  She retuned to find a message from Steve on her answering machine but realized he had forgotten to leave his number.  Brenda was scheduled to leave on business again almost immediately, so, on her machine she created the answering message to say “To the party who called me looking to reconnect, I would love to, however you failed to leave your number.  If you get this, leave your information and I will return your call when I get back into town”.  Upon Brenda’s return the second time she found Steve had left another message, with his number!  They started to become reacquainted and began to learn about one another again.  Brenda learned that Steve and his wife had divorced but that since then his ex wife had passed away from cancer and he was now living in Vermont, in his lake house he had won in the divorce situated on Lake Champlain.  For quite some time the couple would take turns visiting each other between NY and Vermont.  Two years into courting they married.  Today, they are living a wonderful life together, traveling the world and have become very active within their communities especially with regard to environmental issues, creating positive change through the love they have for themselves, for one another and everything around them.

The entire time Mary was telling me this story I had chills and goosebumps running up and down my entire body, all I could say was, WOW!  And Mary agreed!  All of those years later, after so much time apart, so much life experience between the two, the highest highs and lowest lows, only to be reunited at that particular moment in time?  I knew I needed to share this story with you all.  Our discussion closed with a firm agreement, that it couldn’t have happen to a nicer person and that in the end being good at heart and to those around us truly comes back to us, one way or another.  Most importantly we agreed that sometimes, it isn’t a matter of ‘if’, but more so a matter of ‘how’ and ‘when’.  I don’t know everything but what I have found to be true?  It is important to trust in who we are and what we are doing as long as we are true to ourselves, as long as we are the best we can be.  It takes patience, but if we can do that, it seems as though everything else has a way of falling into place 😉

“I thought about one of my favorite Sufi poems, which says that God long ago drew a circle in the sand exactly around the spot where you are standing right now.  I was never not coming here. This was never not going to happen.”

Elizabeth Gilbert

♥ All of my love and light ♥


~ Jennifer

I Remembered You The Moment I Met You.

“You’ve been my soul mate and mentor, I remembered you the moment I met you, with you I knew god’s face was handsome, with you I suffered an expansion.

We can all relate to this wonderful expression through lyrics created by the incredibility talented musician Alanis Morissette.  If fortunate enough, we get to a soul level where not only can we relate to these lyrics but we can pin point our relations and how others have helped us to forge ahead allowing us to ‘suffer an expansion”.  The word suffer itself means to feel pain or experience great discomfort in body and mind and although I am sure many would use the word suffering to describe the circumstances surrounding their past or broken relationships, truly it is none of the sort.  Anything that forces us to reach down deep inside ourselves, shuffle things around, rip, sow and mend is ultimately the experience and the love we needed to grow bigger and better in who we are to become.

I wont say I have been through it all, but I have been through a lot.  I have been hurt by my friends, family, strangers and hurt by the death of those closest to me.  I have created the hurt myself as well and in those situations I eventually learned the importance of forgiveness, of forgiving myself for hurting others and forgiveness of those who hurt me. I could go into detail but then this would quickly turn into a 30 page thesis on the psychology of personality and behavior, so what I want to touch upon are some key points I wish I had been able to read when I was going through some of these core soul relationships.

We all know the saying “You are the company you keep”.  I find this idea quite interesting because I feel its meaning holds many faces.  For one to even understand the magnitude and true sense that we are the company we keep, I feel we need to experience an immense amount life and its lessons first because it would mean being able to understand all aspects of ourselves as well as those closest to us.  Sure, it can be simplified.   Bonnie and Clyde, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, and Frank and Jesse James represent the simplest meaning of the terms.  They undoubtedly found each other in finding the darkest and most evil parts of their souls through one another and the result was catastrophic.  Yet on the complete other end of the spectrum we have souls who unite in pairs whether it be as friends or significant others, in groups and networks with the purest intention to set forth love and compassion, Franklin D. Roosevelt and Eleanor Roosevelt, Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward, Oprah with her enormous network and best friend Gale, John, Yoko and the Beetles, Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi, PETA, World Vision, The Gentle Barn and so many more.  As well, when we hone in on our own relationships and ties we can examine just what this saying means to us, how the meaning touches our own lives and the lives around us.

When I was younger I had this utopian belief that relationships with family, friends and guys I dated had to be perfect in order to be true.  I still hold high regard for the meaning of family, friends and those I date because no one acquires these titles easily by me.  Yet, what I have learned through life is that nothing and no one is perfect, nor do I wish them to be any longer.  Relationships through life can be rough, broken, dirty and sometimes cruel and it is meant to be that way.  How else are we to learn about others and more importantly about ourselves?  About how we wish to be treated and what we want and do not want?  I believe it is when we are forced to look into the mirror as a result of the relationships we hold that finally allows us to grasp the true meaning of “We are the company we keep”.  We can try our hardest to keep the best company possible, but until we ourselves adjust and fix what it is we do not love and appreciate about ourselves, we will continue to attract the company we presently keep.  I am finally able to say I love the company I keep, but it was hard, hard work on my part and most of it, if not then all of it had to do with me.  The moment I made myself happy, I stopped accepting those who offered half of themselves, those that were selfish and those who were manipulative.  This took deep soul searching and sometimes it entailed me looking into the faces of those I didn’t trust and asking, what aspects of myself do I see in this person?  If I found there were parts of myself that I recognized in someone else that I didn’t love, I worked my ass off to change it.  Sadly, as well I found that there were relationships that were never meant to last.  Before incarnating here there are souls that we agree to meet and form relationships with and sometimes these relationships are only meant to last for a short amount of time.  I go further into this in one of my earlier posts titled ‘Relationship Villains’.  I found that some souls and relationships were in fact not a complete reflection of me and that they were continually bringing me down energetically.  These were relationships that I had outgrown due to my own soul evolution and the raising of my own love-outsource and vibration.  This was a sure tell sign for me that my cycle with these particular souls were over and so I let go, just as it was meant to be.  I am not one of those spiritualists who believe it is important to only keep the souls that are at my soul level beside me, if that were the case we would never be able to help each other and learn from one another.  Yet, if there are soul relationships around us that are one sided or that contain an overwhelming amount of negativity and malice, it is in our best interest to break away.  Don’t ever let anyone convenience you that letting go is quitting.  It simply means you choose to accept what is best for everyone involved.  I found a quote once that reaffirmed this for me and I will share it:

“It’s okay to ‘give up’ when the person you’re racing is headed towards the wrong finish line.”

I found with every soul expansion I experienced I had to let go of some relationships, but the relationships that came into my life as a result of me clearing old negative or stale energy, were absolutely incredible and held the same vibration energetically as me or higher! For me this has resulted in some swift and gigantic soul and vibrational shifts in the past year or so.  This doesn’t mean the relationships I hold now are perfect, it just means that they are perfect for me and in each relationship I hold the person and I give and care equally and so it naturally works.  There are ups and there are downs, but because there is a balance, they are the type of relationships that last forever and that is a powerful force with an immense amount of love that is put out regularly.

There have been a hand full of times I have met souls and thought to myself “I remember you somehow”.  After everything I have been through and learning of what I believe our true origins are, it all makes sense now.  We all know each other, from way before this life and the significance and power becomes tenfold with regards to those in our closest circles and those new souls coming in to our lives presently that are playing such a huge role in helping to co-create our life’s path.  When you meet someone who is associated with someone you do not care for or come into a group of people you have just met, do not judge them by just one person within that group.  All of them are learning something from each other as you have learned many things from many people, that even if you do not associate with currently, you needed at one time.

I am quite sure Alanis had one particular relationship in mind when writing this quote and that is the True Love Soulmate and or Twin Flame relationship.  Again, this is something I go further into detail about in one of my earlier posts titled ‘Our Awakening and Twin Flame Reunions’. Everything I said here applies to every single relationship you will ever have including the love of your life.  What I will add is this, do not rush it because in rushing it you create exactly what you may fear the most, resistance.  In turn resistance can perhaps create strain within the relationships you currently have.  There have been many times were I have recognized the soul behind the eyes.  It happens everyday, but it has yet to happen with regards to my Twin Soul in person.  Somehow, I have this overwhelming feeling that is about to change drastically, and within the next seven months.  Having actually written this out for the first time ever and publically, I think it will be interesting to see what happens, so, check back in!

♥ All of my love and light ♥


~ Jennifer

I have included some lovely and informative links, enjoy!








**Photo Credit: http://jaredleto.com/thisiswhoireallyam/2011/06/23/i-remember-you/**